Why you can't magically block the feelings after a 'break-up'

'Break-ups' take time to recover from, and sometimes a former fling can turn into a best friend.

It is possible to end an intimate sexual relationship with someone, but remain in contact without "rekindling" that same relationship.

Clinical sexologist Dr. Eve advises that formerly intimate relationships don't have to end abruptly, but can morph into different things.

She says you can mourn the past relationship, and move on - but you don't have to terminate complete contact with the person.

In fact, Dr Eve warns against the notions of "breaking up", "deleting" or "cutting off" people from your life.

She explains that the language and attitudes people have towards ex-partners needs to change.

In addition, Dr Eve says that the abrupt end of relationships or disappearance known as "ghosting" can be very traumatic and painful for those left without closure.

Dr Eve says people need to accept that it is normal to still have feelings for those we were once intimate with.

They may not be active feelings, but they are still there. You can't block the feeling that you still have.

Dr Eve, clinical sexologist

She explains that people should not see 'break-ups' as a termination, instead they need to see it as moving on to other situation.

You don't have to be apart of the binary that says: we either are together or else we're done forever.

Dr Eve, clinical sexologist

You don't have to lose the person from your life, even if you grieve for what was.

Dr Eve says there may always be emotional feelings towards the person, as you may care about their well-being.

But the intensity of the emotions will change as the nature of the relationship does.

On her blog, Dr. Eve says that people should ask themselves some questions as a guide on how to move forward.

Listeners called in to share their very personal experiences with relationships:


This article first appeared on CapeTalk : Why you can't magically block the feelings after a 'break-up'


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