How to rebuild a relationship after trust is broken

When somebody has had their trust betrayed, whether it be a friend, an office colleague or a partner, it is hard to deal with.

Psychologist Dr Helgo Shomer talks to Eusebius McKaiser about how to get over trust being betrayed in a relationship.

Trust is absolutely necessary for human interaction, to be able to predict what we do with and about each other.

Dr Helgo Shomer, psychologist

Trust enables growth in relationships to occur, says Shomer.

Shomer starts by dealing with the person who has betrayed another and says they need to follow a number of important steps.

When you have been discovered:

1. Come clean (and that means completely clean!)

  1. Expect a harsh emotional reaction (Don't say 'oh it's not that bad'. Let the other person vent all their feelings)

  2. Apologise sincerely (don't try to justify it and take responsibility for your actions)

  3. Full transparency (that means opening your phone, computer and appointment book!)

You will not be able to rush forgiveness, says Shomer. People need to do it in their own time.

The guilty party needs to become completely transparent. In the case of a marital affair, he cites examples of how the one who has betrayed his or her partner needs to give them complete access to their phone, computer and appointment book.

Wanting to know why they betrayed you

Most people want to know why this happened, though the guilty party often does not want to thrash it out. The betrayer needs to be willing to discuss it as long as it takes if they want to save the relationship.

Take a listen to more advice from Dr Shomer:


Recommended

by NEWSROOM AI
Read More
Does the public trust the media? This caller doesn't

Does the public trust the media? This caller doesn't

A caller on The Eusebius Mckaiser Show discusses whether they think SA media is credible or not.

'My hubby is 75 and we still do it' - stories about sex on the other side of 50

'My hubby is 75 and we still do it' - stories about sex on the other side of 50

Is biology putting the brakes on your sexuality? Callers share their experiences of sex and growing older.

'Some weed plants with high levels of chemicals have been linked to psychosis'

'Some weed plants with high levels of chemicals have been linked to psychosis'

Naked Scientist, Chris Smith shares his insights on some of the risks associated with smoking marijuana.

Ramaphosa to reveal details of stimulus plan to give SA's economy urgent 'CPR'

Ramaphosa to reveal details of stimulus plan to give SA's economy urgent 'CPR'

A stimulus package is a package of economic measures put together by a government to stimulate a struggling economy.

[LISTEN] 'Boys are taught to act out, they are not taught to talk out'

[LISTEN] 'Boys are taught to act out, they are not taught to talk out'

Child protection and development specialist Luke Lamprecht talks about how to repair the lives and the souls of abused boys.

Don't blame racism on illness says Eusebius

Don't blame racism on illness says Eusebius

Eusebius McKaiser says it is not unethical for the media to accurately quote the word k***ir if it was used by someone.

Popular articles
'My hubby is 75 and we still do it' - stories about sex on the other side of 50

'My hubby is 75 and we still do it' - stories about sex on the other side of 50

Is biology putting the brakes on your sexuality? Callers share their experiences of sex and growing older.

'Some weed plants with high levels of chemicals have been linked to psychosis'

'Some weed plants with high levels of chemicals have been linked to psychosis'

Naked Scientist, Chris Smith shares his insights on some of the risks associated with smoking marijuana.

How to get rich by investing in smoking hot US and Canadian dagga shares

How to get rich by investing in smoking hot US and Canadian dagga shares

Returns of 500% are not unheard of. Is this another crypto-like bubble? Not in the least, says Financial Advisor Warren Ingram.

[Watch] Dad breaks down when reunited with car sold to pay wife’s bills

[Watch] Dad breaks down when reunited with car sold to pay wife’s bills

Khabazela shares some of the most popular tweets, posts, and videos on 'What's gone viral'.

'It is quite a milestone, it is a humbling experience'

'It is quite a milestone, it is a humbling experience'

Cosatu President Zingiswa Losi says being elected is a milestone not only for the women of SA but also for the women of Africa.

DStv Premium on a downward spiral, warns tech guru

DStv Premium on a downward spiral, warns tech guru

DStv has lost about 140 000 Premium subscribers to Netflix over the past two years, tech expert Arthur Goldstuck.

[LISTEN] 'Lesufi has been attacking Afrikaans schools since 2014'

[LISTEN] 'Lesufi has been attacking Afrikaans schools since 2014'

The Freedom Front Plus says the Gauteng Education MEC has flouted school language policies and is destroying Afrikaans.

'My daughter bought Spur shares when she was 10 years old' - Dr Adrian Saville

'My daughter bought Spur shares when she was 10 years old' - Dr Adrian Saville

What does Citadel’s famed disciple of contrarian, deep-value investing Dr Adrian Saville hope for (and fear) about money?