Why finding love is inextricably linked to our childhood

Everybody has their own unique blueprint of love, says psychotherapist and relationship expert Louisa Niehaus.

Niehaus says most people are looking for a partner who offers love similar to what they received in their childhood.

Read: 'We're not meant to be monogamous' - Sex expert

Humans unknowingly try find a partner with the same traits they grew up around, whether good or bad, she says.

According to Niehaus, the traumas and experiences from childhood inform the relationship choices people make as adults.

Also read: Sex driving a wedge in your relationship? Uncovering sexual desire discrepancy

She explains that self-awareness is a vital tool to overcoming the past and unhealthy relationship patterns.

Mostly, we look for someone who has the predominant character traits of someone who raised us.

Louisa Niehaus, trauma psychotherapist

This is so we can heal old childhood wounds or seek out a love that we are familiar with.

Louisa Niehaus, trauma psychotherapist

Familiar love can be positive or negative. We attempt to recreate the environment of familiarity.

Louisa Niehaus, trauma psychotherapist

You have to be self-aware. If you don't know what your dynamic is, you constantly seek the same.

Louisa Niehaus, trauma psychotherapist

Examine what you are doing in a relationship, remember your love experiences as a child, and recognise your needs and expectations.

Louisa Niehaus, trauma psychotherapist

Niehaus shared her wisdom and callers phoned in to relay their personal stories.

Take a listen to her expert advice during the Talking Sex feature:


This article first appeared on CapeTalk : Why finding love is inextricably linked to our childhood


Recommended

by NEWSROOM AI
Read More
'What took big banks so long to shut Gupta accounts?', Pieter-Louis Myburgh asks

'What took big banks so long to shut Gupta accounts?', Pieter-Louis Myburgh asks

Journo Pieter-Louis Myburgh says other banking execs need to be questioned about their potential complicitness in the Gupta saga.

[LISTEN] Unity has always plagued the union movement - Jay Naidoo

[LISTEN] Unity has always plagued the union movement - Jay Naidoo

A discussion on the state of trade unions in South Africa pre and post-1994.

What happened to schools as a safe space to escape into imagination?

What happened to schools as a safe space to escape into imagination?

Callers on The Eusebius McKaiser Show debate the recent spate of violence in SA schools.

Sex driving a wedge in your relationship? Uncovering sexual desire discrepancy

Sex driving a wedge in your relationship? Uncovering sexual desire discrepancy

Do you feel like you and your partner are sexually mismatched? Clinical sexologist Dr Eve explores sexual desire discrepancy.

[LISTEN] 'Unmarried' star Stuurman opens up about love and life

[LISTEN] 'Unmarried' star Stuurman opens up about love and life

Renate Stuurman is currently starring in 1Magic's new drama series 'Unmarried'.

'We're not meant to be monogamous' - Sex expert

'We're not meant to be monogamous' - Sex expert

A leading sex and love expert says societal pressures to remain monogamous are pushing people into having affairs.

Popular articles
Comair reports record earnings, 72nd profitable year in a row – a world record!

Comair reports record earnings, 72nd profitable year in a row – a world record!

Recession, soaring fuel costs and surplus capacity - yet profits keep coming! Bruce Whitfield interviews Comair CEO Erik Venter.

'Let’s tax this thing and make money out of it!'

'Let’s tax this thing and make money out of it!'

The Money Show's Bruce Whitfield interviews Jeremy Berke (Business Insider) and Unathi Henama (Tshwane University of Technology).

Basic Education to introduce Kiswahili and coding to SA's curriculum

Basic Education to introduce Kiswahili and coding to SA's curriculum

Basic Education spokesperson Elijah Mhlanga spoke to Joanne Joseph on the Afternoon Drive to elaborate.

Concourt ruling on cannabis needs to filter down to cops, says dagga couple

Concourt ruling on cannabis needs to filter down to cops, says dagga couple

Myrtle Clark and Julian Stobbs, dubbed the dagga couple, have been trying for years to have dagga legalised.

Kaptein Kurt Darren on music and all the money he’s making from it

Kaptein Kurt Darren on music and all the money he’s making from it

Laat die dansvloer brand! The Money Show’s Bruce Whitfield interviews Afrikaans musician Kurt Darren.

ConCourt rules dagga legal for private use, but what is private?

ConCourt rules dagga legal for private use, but what is private?

Associate Professor of Law at Wits University James Grant says the ConCourt did not define what private use was.

[WATCH] Dad stops baby from crying, Emmy acceptance speech turns into proposal

[WATCH] Dad stops baby from crying, Emmy acceptance speech turns into proposal

Khabazela shares some of the most popular tweets, posts, and videos on 'What's gone viral'.

Should SA review the parameters of affirmative action?

Should SA review the parameters of affirmative action?

Ralph Mathekga says the experience on the ground shows that there is a problem when it comes to framing affirmative action.