Why finding love is inextricably linked to our childhood

Everybody has their own unique blueprint of love, says psychotherapist and relationship expert Louisa Niehaus.

Niehaus says most people are looking for a partner who offers love similar to what they received in their childhood.

Read: 'We're not meant to be monogamous' - Sex expert

Humans unknowingly try find a partner with the same traits they grew up around, whether good or bad, she says.

According to Niehaus, the traumas and experiences from childhood inform the relationship choices people make as adults.

Also read: Sex driving a wedge in your relationship? Uncovering sexual desire discrepancy

She explains that self-awareness is a vital tool to overcoming the past and unhealthy relationship patterns.

Mostly, we look for someone who has the predominant character traits of someone who raised us.

Louisa Niehaus, trauma psychotherapist

This is so we can heal old childhood wounds or seek out a love that we are familiar with.

Louisa Niehaus, trauma psychotherapist

Familiar love can be positive or negative. We attempt to recreate the environment of familiarity.

Louisa Niehaus, trauma psychotherapist

You have to be self-aware. If you don't know what your dynamic is, you constantly seek the same.

Louisa Niehaus, trauma psychotherapist

Examine what you are doing in a relationship, remember your love experiences as a child, and recognise your needs and expectations.

Louisa Niehaus, trauma psychotherapist

Niehaus shared her wisdom and callers phoned in to relay their personal stories.

Take a listen to her expert advice during the Talking Sex feature:


This article first appeared on CapeTalk : Why finding love is inextricably linked to our childhood


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