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[LISTEN] 'Thabiso' opens up to Eusebius about his shame at abusing girlfriend

6 March 2019 12:14 PM
Tags:
Abuse
Babes wodumo
Mampintsha

Eusebius McKaiser facilitates a debate between callers about the abuse of women and one caller opens up about being an abuser.

After musician Mandla 'Mampintsha' Maphumulo was granted R 2000 bail in the Pinetown Magistrate's Court on Tuesday, callers on the Eusebius McKaiser Show debate whether Maphumulo's statements add a different side to the story.

Maphumulo was arrested this week after allegedly assaulting his girlfriend Gqom artist Bongekile 'Babes Wodumo' Simelane on Sunday.

A video shared on social media shows Maphumulo repeatedly slapping Simelane.

Thabiso*, not his real name, called in saying he is embarrassed to confess that he is an abuser.

I have been an abuser to the mother of my child and after dating this lady for a very long time. I felt as if I owned her, I am entitled to her life, I am entitled to her body, she doesn't have to have friends everything must revolve around me.

Thabiso, Caller

I used to emotionally abuse her, I used to make her feel like her world revolves around me.

Thabiso, Caller

Eusebius commended him for sharing his story and helping people understand what goes on in the mind of an abuser.

Not to let you off the hook, but to reduce that kind of behaviour.

Thabiso, Caller

Thabiso* explains how he always believed she was cheating on him.

He says she isolated herself from others and bottled everything up, perhaps he acknowledges, this was because of his emotional abuse.

I didn't want her to interact with other people.

Thabiso, Caller

Take a listen to his story:

Earlier in the open line, Michael called in and says he is happy now that Maphumulo has spoken out.

People are now being fair, and the issues are now treated as fairly, there is another side of Babes Wodumo.

Michael, caller

Sash also called in and says she is gobsmacked by male callers who have this view.

I want to ask them, would it be ok for a woman to slap a man around every time he lies, he cheats or comes home drunk?

Sash, caller

I am embarrassed to say that when my own husband watched the video for the first time, his only comment was about the man (Mampintsha)'s tummy. It is ridiculous that we have this mentality from men and I don't think it will stop.

Sash, caller

Secondly, we have got to stop asking the question why didn't she leave? We don't have a support system in South Africa where women can just get out of a home and leave, leave where? Protect yourself how?

Sash, caller

There is a whole process to leaving, she can't just leave, so, please people need to stop that question.

Sash, caller

Eusebius agrees that particular question infuriates him.

Read: Mmusi's tweet is grandstanding and popularism ahead of election, says Eusebius

Because the people who ask that question, know the answer. She can't leave because she is not safe anywhere. She is not safe in her home, she is not safe in public spaces, at work or the church. Where does she go?

Eusebius McKaiser, presenter

It is a silly question. It pretends to be a genuine question about the rationality of staying inside an abusive relationship as if it is rocket science. And when you have gender disparity particularly, economic disparities, income disparities, I mean this man even controls her social media accounts for example.

Eusebius McKaiser, presenter

When you have that kind of gender inequity that is part of our daily reality, you don't need an expert to tell you the answer to the question as to why she has not left.

Eusebius McKaiser, presenter

He adds that it is disingenuous to ask that question.

The first caller said he was happy this man has now broken his silence. That is part of the Bro-code and right there you have the problem. The other thing we do is to pretend as if there is a kind of power parity and moral equivalents in behaviour.

Eusebius McKaiser, presenter

Now the man without evidence tells us a story, she has got evidence for her story, he is telling us a story without evidence and we immediately believe him, but we have trouble believing her even when she has evidence.

Eusebius McKaiser, presenter

Listen below to the full open line:


6 March 2019 12:14 PM
Tags:
Abuse
Babes wodumo
Mampintsha

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