Is marriage still a realistic proposition?

We all know about the high divorce statistics around the world.

Clinical psychologist Khosi Jiyane joins Phemelo on Weekend Breakfast to look at the institution of marriage - why it was created in the first place and whether it is still valid.

First of all, says Jiyane, when this social construct was created, it was not about relationships.

It's about an ordering of society. It is about what belongs where, who belongs with whom and so on.

Khosi Jiyane, Clinical psychologist

As social beings can we interrogate ourselves for a moment - the one reality of being human and social beings is our need to belong, to connect. What we then did as the human community, out of that, is that we created an institution.

Khosi Jiyane, Clinical psychologist

Jiyane talks about the social pressure to get married and questions whether one other human being, locked into the commitment of marriage, can fulfill all the needs of their partner.

We don't even fill up our own needs. Then you go and outsource this to another equally fallible, imperfect, needing human being and in a sense we're saying, ok let's get our neediness together in one basket and let's just have one handle... It's not realistic.

Khosi Jiyane, Clinical psychologist

So is there a viable alternative, according to Jiyane?

Can we live with the possibility of loving with an open hand? Is it possible to be in relationship with ourselves first of all and with another with an open hand, an open hand that says 'I want you to be here because you want to be here, not because you have to be here'.

Khosi Jiyane, Clinical psychologist

'I will deal with my insecurity of the possibility that you may leave me and that is going to be part of my personal journey and our journey together.'

Khosi Jiyane, Clinical psychologist

Take a listen to the rest of this important discussion:


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