[LISTEN] Tools to understand and manage intimate conflict

Clinical sexologist Dr Eve gives advice to couples who may be experiencing tension and dis-ease during the lockdown.

Couples may be experiencing tension and disease during the lockdown, which has highlighted all the relationship differences and issues that they once managed to conceal or paper over.

In this week's Talking Sex feature, clinical sexologist Dr Eve talks about how better to resolve your differences or manage conflict in a healthy and positive manner.

Drawing from American psychological researcher and clinician John Gottman's work on divorce prediction and marital stability, Dr Eve shares the example of The Sound Relationship House to give couples tools on how to achieve greater understanding, connection, and intimacy in their relationships.

The levels of The Sound Relationship House are:

Build Love Maps - get to know each other by being curious about each other’s internal world.

Share Fondness and Admiration - ongoing verbal and practical demonstrations of fondness and admiration

Turn Towards Instead of Away - attach rather than detach from each other

The Positive Perspective - seek out and state the positives you see in each other- daily

Make Life Dreams Come True - facilitate your partner’s individual dreams being realised

Create Shared Meaning - create couple goals /dreams.

The bottom of it is you have to build your love map which means getting to know each other, being curious about each others internal world - who were your parents, who did you hate the most, what were your traumas? We get to know that and keep asking that

Dr Eve, Clinical sexologist

And then he talks about the 'house is built on sharing, fondness and admiration'. We're looking at what a healthy relationship is. It is having ongoing, verbal, practical demonstrations of your fondness and admiration.

Dr Eve, Clinical sexologist

When you're feeling sad, unhappy or anxious, you turn towards your partner rather than away to go and soothe yourself. You want to attach rather than detach.

Dr Eve, Clinical sexologist

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