Dr Schomer: Overcoming co-dependency and focusing on yourself

Co-dependent relationships are a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person's addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.

But how do you know if you are in a co-dependent relationship? On the Redi Tlhabi Show, Dr Helgo Schomer looks at co-dependent relationships and work through different ways of dealing with the associated symptoms.

A person who cannot function from his/her innate self and instead organises thinking and behaviour around substance, process, or a person could be called co-dependent

Dr Helgo Schomer, resident psychologist

Co-dependent people have a mental state that says 'I am not good enough'

Dr Helgo Schomer, resident psychologist

Symptoms of Co-dependency

  • Denial
    Unfortunately, denial is a major obstacle, because Co-dependency is difficult to see in yourself.

  • Low self-esteem
    Feeling that you’re not good enough or comparing yourself to others are signs of low self-esteem.

  • People-pleasing
    Co-dependents usually don’t think they have a choice. Saying “No” causes them anxiety.

  • Caretaking
    If someone else has a problem, you want to help them to the point that you give up yourself.

  • Control
    Co-dependents also need to control those close to them, because they need other people to behave in a certain way to feel okay.

  • Problem with intimacy
    This is not about Sex but about being open and close with someone in an intimate relationship.

How to conquer Co-dependency

  • First recognise what co-dependence is and gather all information through reading
  • Look at your history
  • Start focusing on yourself and your needs
    • Set limits and trust yourself

Listen to Dr Schomer discussing co-dependence with CapeTalk/702 listeners on The Redi Tlhabi Show:


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